What It's Like to Integrate Your Dogs With Your Partner's Dogs
We sat down with our good friend, Lisette Rossman, to talk about what it was like having her partner's dog move in with her dogs, her recent wedding, her journey studying counseling, and much more.
This week we were delighted to catch up with a longtime community member and friend, Lisette Rossman. Lisette just got married and now she lives with her two dogs and her partner’s dog. She spoke to us all about how she made that process go as smoothly as possible and about why she’s working to change careers. PS: Be sure to scroll to the end for her cozy nightly ritual.
Congrats on your wedding. It looked stunning. Do you have a favorite memory from the day? Were your dogs involved?
Thank you so much for the well wishes, TOC team 😊. Some of my favorite memories from the day included waking up to the rolling Virginia countryside right outside our window and making s’mores around the firepit after dinner. Since our wedding was small and only included our immediate family (20 people total), it felt like a mini camping trip, ha! Our dogs were not at the wedding but had an equally great time with our friend and local dog trainer, Sam Matlick.
Since you and your partner moved in together, you had to integrate your dogs. How many dogs do you have now between the two of you, and what was that process like?
Between us, we have three dogs: Lucy (age 5), August (age 3), and Honey (age 8). Honey and Lucy met a few times when Lucy was small, but it had been a while. To be safe, I treated the situation as if they had never met before. It was very much so a “Slow and steady wins the race” type of situation. At a high level, I focused my attention on the following:
Gradual Introductions: Before I flew down to help drive Honey back, I boarded my two dogs with Sam Matlick. I added a buffer of four days post-trip to give Honey some extra decompression time before adding the other two into the mix. From then on, it was all about management and more management. The first goal was for the dogs to meet without the pressure of direct contact. We used double baby gates, parallel outdoor walks, and crates to help keep everyone safe.
Monitor Body Language: Throughout the process, I monitored for signs of stress, fear, avoidance, etc. If, at any time, it looked like we were moving too fast, I stopped and changed my plan.
Establish Routines: While Lucy and August were on a consistent schedule, I did some extra training with Honey to get her used to our house norms. These included our norms for potty breaks, feeding times, etc.
Reward Positive Interactions: I reinforced positive interactions like no tomorrow! Settling as a group on either side of the barrier = treat parade. Walking parallel and checking back in with me = treat parade. If I saw an opportunity to reward a behavior, you best believe I was doing it!
Resource Guarding Management: Besides practicing good food hygiene (i.e., each dog having their own quiet area for food and water), we added in extra beds and toys to ensure that resources were plentiful. There are plenty of other things to note in this area, but I will leave that to the professionals 😊
What’s it like living with that many dogs at home?
It feels completely normal, which scares me sometimes, ha! Before we had this many dogs, I used to think anything over two was a lot. Like you are entering Dr. Dolittle territory kind of thing. Now that we are in it, it doesn’t feel weird at all!
We heard that you’re back at school studying to be a therapist. What made you decide to go back to school?
It was rooted in the deep need for congruence in all areas of my life. Going back to school for counseling was the first step toward bringing the “vocational” bucket of my life back into balance. It was hard, though, let me tell you. In order to go back to school, I had to first let go of the idea of who I thought I was to make space for who I truly am. That grieving and becoming process has been rough at times, and I don’t think we talk about the grieving process that accompanies an identity shift like this enough!
We understand you still work your full time corporate job while doing school? What’s that been like? Has it been harder to find time to do stuff with your dogs?
It is tough. Some days, I feel like I have got the hang of things; other days, I feel like the worst dog mom, partner, and friend. In this stage of life, the dogs and I aren’t actively training. We do some work here and there, but nothing substantial. I just don’t have the time. At some point in the future, we will pick it back up, but for now, we are just enjoying the “slower pace of life.”
If someone in our community is planning to integrate their dog with a roommate or partner’s dog(s), what advice can you offer so that the process is as smooth as possible?
While I would always recommend seeking out professional advice, here are some broad tips that may be helpful:
Management is Your Friend: Use baby gates, crates, and other resources as needed to facilitate safe and controlled introductions.
Keep the Interactions Positive!: Use training sessions to build positive associations and be on the lookout for behavior you can capture throughout the day!
Think About Resources: Plan accordingly and don’t leave it to chance! For example, think through your feeding setup and use gates, crates, or other visual blockers (if needed) to keep mealtimes stress-free.
Take it Slow: Take the integration process slowly, as rushing can lead to setbacks.
Pay Attention to Body Language: Pay close attention and monitor for signs of stress, fear, or aggression.
Create Safe Spaces: Ensure each dog has a safe space to retreat and relax without being disturbed.
Consult a Professional: If you encounter challenges, reach out for help! Find a professional dog trainer or behaviorist near you specializing in positive reinforcement.
The world feels heavy right now. What’s bringing you joy?
My evening fire-lighting ritual brings me joy. Every day, starting at around 4:00 PM, I walk over to my log basket, grab the materials (e.g., kindling, cedar logs, matches), and light a roaring fire. I look forward to these dark evenings so much more knowing that a fire and a cup of tea await! I am currently reading Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman. I highly recommend it!
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