What If We Didn’t Ask Anything of Our Dogs?

Sometimes I look back and wonder if the way I needed my dog, Otis, was fair.

The other day, I took my shoes off and walked out into my yard barefoot. It was a sunny, 65-degree day in early spring, so the warmth felt novel and life-giving. I sat down in the grass, closed my eyes, and let myself sense what was around me. I felt the touch of the cool earth below my hands and feet. I felt the sun waking every cell on my face. I heard the birds calling back and forth. I opened my eyes and saw a couple clouds pass over the top of the giant oak tree that sprawls over the end of my front yard. Then I looked to my left and saw Otis rolling on his back in a shady spot of the yard and my other dog, Sully, shredding a stick in a sunny part of the yard opposite from Otis. I closed my eyes again, but I knew my dogs were there. It almost felt like I could sense their presence. I sat there enjoying the world around me and their company without needing anything from them. The corners of my lips tipped up as I felt something I could only describe as peace wash over me. I sat there soaking in the gift of sharing space with other living beings without needing them to be a certain way, do something, or make me feel better. It was a type of connection that felt liberating.

It got me thinking about all the ways I’ve needed my dogs and found connection with them over the years. When I first brought Otis home, I was lonely and chronically anxious. While I wouldn’t have said it this way at the time, I needed a friend and some joy. There were periods of time where the only peace I felt during my day was when I interacted with him. Otis also became a social lifeline. The vast majority of the activities I did were related to him. I felt more comfortable in social settings when he was with me, and in many ways, he gave my days a purpose.

When the world got scary for him, I needed to be the person who made it all better. I started training more and loved the way he lit up anytime we interacted. I needed to be the center of his world.

Even the Instagram account I created to share my life with him made me feel valued. (This is a WHOLE other tangent that I will talk about another time because my relationship to that account has changed a ton with time.)

He filled so many of my needs.

As My Relationship With Myself Changed, so Did My Expectations of My Relationship With My Dogs

Sometimes I look back and wonder if the way I needed Otis was fair. I don’t really have an answer. We aren’t meant to do life alone, so I don’t feel any shame in saying that I needed Otis.